I’m still dating the same guy from the “love story”. Before that, I dated a few other guys (who will remain unnamed)– unlike my boyfriend now, my exes didn’t get a lot of face time with my parents, because I didn’t consider those relationships exactly “serious” at all. But my mom has crazy instincts; she ALWAYS picks the guy I’m dating out. And she’d confront me with it, and I’d always say “we’re just friends”. My parents, especially my mom, would pick apart all of the little things about the guy and talk smack about him to me. At the time, I just rolled my eyes and ignored the comments and continued to date the guys that eventually became my exes.
Looking back, I realized that my parents were right. In fact, they’ve ALWAYS been right, pretty much about everything. And that’s the hardest thing to get over, because at the time that you are dating the guy, you are so infatuated with how amazing things are, that you don’t step back, and just look at the relationship with fresh, new eyes. If I could go back, I wouldn’t have dated any of those guys. And I’m glad they’re my exes now, but hey, you live and you learn.
My parents didn’t know for sure that Danh (le bf) & I were dating back when we first started, because I always denied it even though my mom knew. She didn’t contest it, or talked smack about him, because she liked him. (He’s actually the first guy that she genuinely approved of.) But that took time, and she & my dad SERIOUSLY interrogated the crap out of Danh every chance they got, and he survived it. I’ve also noticed that my parents became more lenient over the years and more modern, I guess. When I was younger, they strictly said, NO DATING AT ALL UNTIL COLLEGE. They worried about my grades suffering in case of “heartbreak”. And I’ve never been a person to let my relationships wreck how I’m doing in school, which took away their primary reason to protest against dating before college. I guess they just warmed up to it, but no, I never outwardly told my mom that I was dating Danh, but it was just so obvious to everyone that we were dating…he came over all the time, and had a lot of dinners with the family, there was really no need for some big announcement or anything.
With your situation…I really don’t want to tell you what to do, because I’m not your mom. But from past experience, the guys I dated when I was your age, I look back, and think, what the hell was I thinking when I dated that idiot? My parents disapproved of them, it was just too bad that I didn’t listen, and continued to date anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I learned a lot from past experience, and I’ll tell my younger sisters when they get older, and I’ve been telling my cousins now, that it’s better to wait when you are in college to date, there’s nothing wrong with that. You can continue dating whether your mom likes it or not— that’s ultimately your decision to make. I know I’m beating this to death, but hey, you live and you learn. And I’ll be willing to bet a bowl of pho, that one day, you’ll be in my position, and you’ll be thinking back about what your mom said about that ex of yours, and how she was right all along. And if your mom and I are both wrong in the end, I’ll take you, your mom, and that guy out for a bowl of pho. Haha <3
